Its 12 something am & I am here lying in bed with tears. Why? Something hit me I guess. I realized that my ex is really gone. I feel like I am such a horrible person because I wasn't there for him during his last days. I was too busy with being a selfish bitch. He was the last person who laid in my bed with me. I want to burn this bed--it hurts. I hate knowing that I will never get another chance to hit him up to say 'hi' or 'how's life?' When I found out that he died I was shocked. I aim'd his sn on aol saying all types of crazy things like 'please, tell me that they are lying' and 'come back'. What an idiot right?

Charles,
I miss you. I'm sorry for the breakup. I really couldn't handle a relationship with you knowing that I had feelings for someone else. I apologize for not being there while you were suffering from cancer...I should have been there holding your hand. When my mom had her stroke you supported me more than my own "family."

I want to add more later.